I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
