The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
