i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
