I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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