Jerry, you need to find god
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
