So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
