The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
