Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
