His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
