singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
