anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
