I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
her facebook's as public as her vagina
this will be a night to untag.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I need to calm my uterus...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
