i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
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Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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