If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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