i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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