so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
