But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
