Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
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No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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