the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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