see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize