He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
