Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
