no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize