Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
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Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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