I think scott just propositioned me for sex
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
