the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
