dude i'm inner monologue high
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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