The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have aggressive nipples.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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