he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
FUCK WHALES
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
