there's paper in my vomit.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
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my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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