Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
