If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
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The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
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She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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