I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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