found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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