Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
