I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize