If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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