Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
