I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
