I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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