These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
