apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
