Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
