before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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