Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You're like the curious george of whores
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
