Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
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