It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
