I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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