Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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