Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
