I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize