Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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