pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
