mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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