dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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