I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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