its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
