...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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