just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize