thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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