He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize