i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
