I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
