Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
