Dual....:-)
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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