You're a womanizer and a bitch.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
