i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize