You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
