While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
