This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
