I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
