worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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