11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
