That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
