well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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