dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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