But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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