On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
third nipple confirmed
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
