I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
