I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
