.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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