He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
