So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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