yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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