i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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