White coat. Heels.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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