omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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