You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
